I'm not one to vent out personal issues publicly to random people
In fact I usually keep to myself...
BUT...I have had things on my mind recently and needed to vent...to write
You see, I had this professor in college. I forget the class, something about English, writing, reading, bla bla...
Anyways, he was amazing. He taught me to write just to write. It didn't matter how bad the grammar sounded, it was just important to focus on writing and getting all your feelings out there. So that semester I did just that. We read stories, and wrote about them. We kept journals of our personal life, and wrote about them. We wrote about everything...just to write. Some of it the teacher didn't even read, and what he did read wasn't graded on grammar, but on how we wrote...make sense?
Anywho...I am going to do just that...write it out.
Whether or not your interested to read...well that's a different story. But I promise I'll bake something SPECTACULAR to make it up =]
Here goes nothing
Im disappointed. Disappointed in what you say? Myself. Now I know that is sounds funny since I have accomplished so much in the past little while, but you see its those things that have made me realize just how disappointed I am in myself. Being a mom, I realize I want to be the best person for my little angel. I want her to be proud of me. I want to be an example. I LOVE her, I can't stop holding her and cuddling her. I want her to be proud of me.
I wish I could have finished college. I don't know if it's due to that fact everyone I started college with is now graduating, or its the fact that I don't feel smart enough anymore. Or maybe it's because I want to teach my children the importance of an education, but yet how can I if I am a terrible example.
You see I went to school in Idaho. It was an AMAZING school. The teachers, the classes, and the overall spirit of the school was spectacular. I left when I got married just short of finishing my associates. When I moved back home I tried to finish my associates but every school was telling me that over HALF of my credits didn't transfer and that I would basically have to start all over. I was devastated. AND not to mention due to the budget cuts, alot of the state schools weren't accepting new students. I became depressed. I became lazy. I was LOST. So I picked up hobbies. I started working out, and baking, and doing random things but I became so sad because I wanted so badly to finish school. I tried going to a community college and I hated it. I'll never forget the first day my teacher walked in saying the F word, and talking about how she hated the government, hated my religion, and loved to get drunk. I thought...THIS is my college professor. I dropped that week. My other teachers at the college weren't much better so I gave up.
Did I give up to soon?
I guess with everything I was just so angry. I wanted to go to my old school, where I felt I was getting the BEST education. I was mad that they wanted me to retake most of my schooling, and I was mad it was so expensive...for such a crappy education. NOT to mention they cut half my classes due to budget cuts.
So here I am venting at midnight about how I wish I would have something to show my children..something they could look up to. I hope one day I finish. I hope one day I can accomplish my goals so my children can work towards theirs as well...
Anyways, I'm done for now. Thanks for listening =]
